


What You Heard

by julie-yard (teh_jules)



Category: Southland (TV)
Genre: 5x10, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, First Kiss, Interracial Relationship, Kissing, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Pining, Pining Russ, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:53:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teh_jules/pseuds/julie-yard
Summary: What you heard might not be what was said.





	What You Heard

**Author's Note:**

> fic based on [this](http://julie-yard.tumblr.com/post/158820174016/the-modern-typewriter-ive-been-in-love-with) prompt
> 
> (Set after 5x10 'Reckoning' and the beach scene)

 "I love you, Lyd."

"I love you, too, Russ."

Their lips align and Lydia thinks _finally_. The kiss they share is sweet and languid. His hands still rest on the back of the couch as if he is restraining himself to not touch her. She wants him to touch her. And she knows he will.

There is a tension in his shoulders and a spark in his eyes that makes Lydia's heart stutter.

He exhales against her mouth and whispers something. Her blood rushes so loud through her ears that she asks him to repeat himself.

"This went way better than the last time."

"Excuse me?" Lydia asks and looks up into his eyes. "Which last time?"

He sits back and looks at her. As if he needs to know if she means it. It takes a moment for him to decide.

"When I quit the force." He pauses and adds: "I told you I loved you."

She remembers. Of Course she remembers. The hurt. The disappointment. But also-- some kind of relief to know that he would be safe. Somewhere else. Not with her, but behind a desk where she could visit him and miss him when she had the time.

It had seemed better like that. As if that was the new normal.

"Yes. Yes, you did"

She stops and it's her turn to search his face. He doesn't hide anything. Everything is right there. Just like in her memory and this is the moment understanding dawns.

"Are you saying you didn't mean it platonic back then?"

Russ looks as if she gutter punched him. His eyes are wide, his mouth open. They are still kiss swollen and hold a hint of her lip gloss. The rest of his face lost it's color. His fingers curl around her shoulders and hold on.

"That's exactly-- That's--- Lydia. I thought you _knew_."

They stare at each other for a long moment. Both at a loss for words.

Lydia pulls herself together first, because he looks so wrecked and she can't have that.

"I didn't. I mean of course I knew that you loved me." She always knew he loved her. It had been a constant in her life. Something she could always come back to. Even if it wasn't what he had meant back then... It had been important to her.

That had made his betrayal so much harder to bear. Had made it hurt so much more.

"I mean I even told you that I love you too. But I thought you meant like... friends. Like partners."

"No, that was me trying to tell you that I love _love_ you."

Lydia is a bit overwhelmed when she finally registers the implications. How long ago this was. He seems to realize it too. They stare at each other.

"Even back then?" There is this fluttering feeling in her stomach. Damn, he makes her feel butterflies.

"Yeah."

His thumbs rub against her skin now. It's a soothing motion. For her? For himself?

"I am..." She is a bit breathless. "I don't know what to say."

"I always thought you knew and just didn't..."

"Didn't care? Didn't want you?"

He moves his shoulder and head. A shrug? A nod? It could be everything. For years he thought she didn't reciprocate his feelings. She can't wrap her head around it. _Fuck_.

There is a part in her that wants to ease that hurt. Let him into her heart, make him life there with her feelings for him until it's better.

"It doesn't matter." he finally says and doesn't meet her gaze.

"Of course it matters--" she hurries to say, but he shakes his head.

"No. It doesn't."

She kisses him, because she doesn't know what to say to let him know that it matters to her. Where they always so lousy at talking with each other?

This is part of their problem. Their communication is filled with blind spots and assumptions. If they do this she wants to do it right. And she starts with telling him, showing him, letting him know what she feels and wants.

Lydia touches her lips to his and Russ' thumbs press harder into her skin. He breathes her name when they part. Her hands touch his face, slide into his hair and pull him closer. She deepens the kiss, opens her mouth for him.

They get lost in the sensations. Stretch out onto the couch. He settles on top of her. There is no restraint anymore. Russ seems to be completely done with restraining.

"I love you, Russ. I mean... I have no clue what we're doing but I want to find out." It's a call out to his question earlier at the beach. Because he doesn't know either. But she knows now that he _hopes_.

"Lydia. _Lyd_." His groan does things to her. It melts her insides, makes her needy. She is glad she is already laying down. It feels natural to widen her legs so he can nestle between them. His hardness feels good against her middle.

"And I love how you say my name."

He makes a noise. It sounds wretched as if he can't deal with all this.

It's a moment where they just look at each other and appreciate the other. Their history. Their friendship. How it evolved into more and lead them to _this_. They share a smile, before Russ cranes his neck and kisses her forehead.

They hold onto each other.

 

 end. 


End file.
